I sweat and smile... Those are the words that I tell my students and clients, but they're also my mantra, my cadence, my very existence. You see, my journey to this point has not been an easy one.
When I was a little girl, I watched the cartoon "The Care Bears." There was one little bear that had a dark storm could hanging over its head. That bear was me. Shades of gray colored my existence. I wasn't proud of how I looked, I was exhausted, and to make matters worse, I was bitter because nothing I tried pulled me out from under the cloud.
After another failed attempt at dieting, I became resolved to the fact that genetics were not on my side. I was destine to be obese. Unfortunately, acceptance didn't bring me happiness either. I stopped doing the things that I found pleasure in, and some days I couldn't even get out of bed. My sleep became erratic, I couldn't get a job, and my marriage began to crumble around me.
Then, I got pregnant again. Add a dose of sleep deprivation from my toddler and out-of-whack hormones to the mix, and I slipped into the worst depression of my life.
How did I end up here? Well, you see...I just needed a shower- alone. We had a gym membership that my and husband I paid for, but we never used. The light bulb went off in my head. Gym childcare will watch my kids while I bathe in the female locker room. I might even get time to brush my hair and if I'm really lucky, actually dry it.
I slipped on my ragged sweatpants and my husband's large t-shirt and set off for the gym. Once I dropped the kids off, it occurred to me that I couldn't head straight for the locker room. I mean, what if someone noticed that I wasn't exercising? So I decided to walk on the treadmill just for a few minutes-just until I was sweaty enough to earn the shower.
Then, my worst nightmare happened. A bubbly and very persistent fitness instructor approached me and insisted that I try her class. GROUP FITNESS- it was a bad word in my book. I felt like I couldn't say no, so I walked into the room and stood under the bright lights and gazed at my reflection in the mirrors. Embarrassed that I was 269 pounds, I planned to escape as soon as the instructor looked away.
But then the music started. A genuine smile, the kind that comes from your heart, broke across my face. I think it was the first time that I had smiled in years. I huffed and puffed my way through the songs for the pure enjoyment of it. I was reminded of what it felt like to move my body. This didn't feel like exercise. It was like going dancing with my friends without the pressure of feeling fat and wearing uncomfortable shoes.
I was hooked. I kept going back to the class as often as I could. Not because I was trying to lose weight, but because it was fun and it made me smile. After a few months, my sweatpants wouldn't stay up. I had to take a ponytail holder and wrap it around the extra elastic to keep them from falling to my knees while I was dancing.
I was inspired to educate myself on nutrition which led me to research smarter ways to maximize my workouts. I learned that sweating DOES actually make me smile. With exercise and smart nutrition, I managed to get off my antidepressants and start to enjoy life again. Armed with a new attitude and hope, I took a big step and decided to help others by becoming a fitness coach and a certified personal trainer.
I'm frequently asked how much weight I've lost. The answer is 100 pounds. However, its more about what I've gained. I'm fit, healthy, confident and most importantly, happy! I train others to be fitness instructors and I coach clients in classes and in my home. Here's the best part. I'm teaching my girls the same lessons. They have a healthy mom who runs a successful business doing what she loves. I'm no longer the sad little bear with the rain cloud over her head because I sweat and smile everyday.